Life and Work

In 2008, life was good.  I had a job and salary that were great, had been there for 6 years, and planned to work there until retirement but they restructured and eliminated positions, one of which was mine.  I easily found another job but during that time my health and surgery interfered and after two years, I left.  Also during that time, the job market and job searching changed and to my dismay, all of the search was now done online and it was much harder to find a job.  Unemployment was my safety net but it wouldn’t last forever! And, I was now in my 60’s.  And this is when my husband of 30 years decided he didn’t want to be married anymore.  Stand up guy, right?

So what did I do? I first trained to be a Behavior Assistant and got hired by the agency my son worked for.  This is client based and fluctuates in schedule based on how many clients you are assigned so I couldn’t count on this income alone.  So I also became a reading tutor.  And then I created a Chair Exercise program for Seniors and partnered with a non -profit to work under their grant.  And I became an ordained minister so that I could officiate at weddings but actually never did this because I realized how hard it would be to navigate while using a cane, trying to hold the prayer book, rings, etc.  And, I became a writer!

I became a writer through interesting circumstances.  I was in a knitting club and one of the members was talking about her ghost writing business and happened to mention Examiner.com.  After asking her what seemed like a million questions, I decided to try it too.  She helped me get started and I became the Atlantic City Area Child Development Examiner Writer.  To my surprise, I was good at it and people actually read what I wrote!  In my first year, I had about 1000 views of my articles, which isn’t very much but to me, it seemed like 10,000.  In my second year, I added two titles, Frugal Living and Sewing and so far this year, have had 2200 views in my first 4 months.  Again, this probably isn’t much but it’s exciting for me and I feel good about it.

Fast forward until 2014 and money is still a struggle but I’m hanging in there and brainstorming new ideas all the time.  Things can only go up, right?  I’m still writing for Examiner, still teaching chair exercise and tutoring, still working as a Behavior Assistant but have added a part time job in the transportation department of the area school system.  I do that every afternoon and it has some stability that the other jobs lack.  However, I’m still looking and actually have an interview for a 10 hour a week job as a Family Advocate.  I’ll let you know how I do!

You’d think with all that, I’d have plenty of money but you’d be wrong.  Southern NJ is not a great place for jobs or salaries unless you work in retail or food, and they don’t pay much.  (Nor can you do them if you use a cane)

I’ve learned that job hunting in your 60’s is no joke.  You can hide your age in a resume but get to that “year of graduation” question on that online application and you’re sunk.  It won’t let you move forward if you don’t answer it and putting 00/00/0000 doesn’t work either. No getting around that unless you lie!  I’ve changed my resume a dozen times, added “key words”, changed the format, use different resumes for different fields, personalize cover letters, etc. and almost every time, have gotten NO response or interview.  Note:  In the past, I got just about every job I interviewed for, always worked my way into a top position, and know that I interview well so that isn’t the problem.)  And now, not only is age a factor but health is too.  How many job descriptions now include “the ability to lift 25 pounds, stand, and walk” as a way to screen.  For a desk job?  Really??  And I can’t do any of those things,.

So, it hasn’t been easy but one thing I’m not is a quitter.  It’s taking a little longer then I thought it would but I will succeed and have my life back.  I will have freedom from money worries and have the ability to enjoy the rest of my life.  I am determined!

Now I need a break and of course, you know that this means a cup of tea and a book!  A great destressor!!  We’ll talk again soon!

Health Changes!

I just made a cup of tea and I’m ready to talk about my health changes.  It’s a hard subject for me but maybe my experiences will be helpful to you.  So pour your tea, and relax.

Up until menopause, my health was good with no problems.  I worked out, sometimes, walked a lot, climbed stairs with ease, and felt good even though I was somewhat overweight since the birth of my son.  I always had great blood pressure, could move well, and had a very flexible body.  But, boy did that change.

Several years ago, I spent the weekend outdoors, selling my handmade  jewelry at a craft show. It was very damp and chilly weather and I developed what I thought was lower back pain that had a constant ache.  Over time, it hurt too much to straighten up and without realizing it, I started to walk with a slight bend.  My doctor sent me for injections which helped but didn’t address the cause.  I still was thinking that it was my back so figured the injections were appropriate, but it got  worse and started giving me pain in the right groin muscle as well.  I’ve since learned that hip problems will cause this groin pain.  But anyway, after searching for the cause, I finally found out that it was arthritis in my right hip and most likely would get progressively worse.  It also dawned on me that my walking was not going to improve and I started using my father’s old cane which had been stored in the basement.

Beginning to use this cane was very traumatic for me.  I felt “old” for the first time and terribly unfeminine.  It was a great help but I hated it.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to juggle everything we have to carry with only one free hand?  And what do you do with the damn thing when you need two hands?  It was terrible.  But I slowly worked that all out, walked as straight and tall as I could, and made up my mind that I wouldn’t be defined by that cane.  I also didn’t want to look like an old lady victim when I walked alone so worked really hard to develop a confident stroll and swagger.  I’ve gotten to the point where I do everything with the cane that I did without it, and try not to hate it too much.  Mine is filled with nicks and dings because I drop it all the time but I don’t care.  I even take it on the beach and have gone in the ocean with it too.  I’ll be darned if I’m going to stop going to the beach.  And, my girlfriend and I have found a beach with a small stretch of sand, outdoor shower, bathroom, and snack bar, so I’m good.  A bigger problem is how I look in a bathing suit but that’s a story for another time.

One thing I have learned is that there are lots, and lots, and lots, of people who walk worse than I do, and they don’t use a cane.  I want to grab them and tell them, “get a cane” but you can see that they have learned to walk without it, however awkwardly they must move, and like it was for me, they haven’t even thought about using a cane.  That was my problem.  I had absolutely no thoughts about needing a cane at first and by the time I did, I was already doing that funny penguin walk myself and ruined my posture with scoliosis, which wasn’t present before.  So, if you are one of these people, please take heed.  I ruined my spine by waiting too long to start with the cane so don’t make that mistake.  If you need it, use it.

So, fast forward to the hip replacement.  After a few years of this, I decided I was going to need hip replacement.  Again, I waited too long to have it done, though this time it was for financial reasons and not wanting to lose a new job.  But anyway, I had gotten to the point where my thigh bone felt like it was sliding back and forth into the hip socket, and it was a feeling I can’t begin to describe.  It even began to make noise when I walked so I scheduled the surgery.    Here’s the run down on that.

My son took me and waited for hours while they did the replacement.  I woke up during the procedure and heard them hammering something.  “Oh God, is that me?” I thought.  It was.  But eventually I woke up, in no pain, and saw my son smiling at me.  They rolled me off to ICU after recovery and settled me in the bed.  Still no pain.  BUT, when the nurse came to change the sheets or do the bedpan or something, they rolled me over and I screamed because for a brief minute, the pain was so intense that I thought I would pass out.  But, I’ll be honest, that was the only pain I had.  And it ended as quickly as it started.  But let me backtrack a minute.  After the surgery, they place a foam wedge between your legs and strap it to you so you can’t cross your legs or move.  That was torture for me because I get claustrophobia if my legs are trapped, like having the blanket pulled so tight you can’t move.  So there I was, trying not to hyperventilate because my legs were trapped!  Somehow I got through the night and convinced them to loosen the straps and give me some freedom and by morning, I just had the wedge, no straps.  Yay!  But then the next torture began.  The physical therapist got me up and gave me a walker and said, “walk”.  And, I did.  Who would have thought that I could?  But I did and made it all the way around the circle of ICU.  And that started my two week stay in the hospital, with physical therapy twice a day, decent food, no one to bother me (other than nurses etc checking things) and it almost felt like a vacation.  Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention, when they were hammering the rod into my thigh bone, they fractured it so I had this humongous brace I had to wear outside my clothes for 6 weeks to hinder my range of motion in order for it to heal.  So I had that hanging off of me during all of my physical therapy.  I think the worst part was not being able to wash my hair for two weeks but I survived that  by not looking in the mirror much! All went well and in two weeks, I went home, wearing the brace for another 4 weeks.

Now fast forward again, and three years later, my prosthesis starts to squeak and gets louder and louder.  Picture that in the library!  So back to the doctor I go and this time there is a  new specialist who I immediately trust and he explains that the first prosthesis was not put in exactly straight and I was starting to dislocate it.  What!!????  So back I go to have the hip replacement replaced.  This time they cut me loose in a couple of days because I was in such good shape that I could do all the physical therapy with ease (I busted butt the first time to do it well so was in good shape from that) and I came home to heal again.

BUT, two weeks after the surgery, I started to get out of the chair and felt something inside sort of slide.  “What’s that, I think.”  Well, I found out a couple of days later when it happened again and all of a sudden, I felt the worse pain I’ve ever felt, in that same damn hip, and luckily my son was with me and called the ambulance.  I couldn’t get out of the chair when they came and it almost took a crane to lift me onto the gurney.  But I got to the ER and found out I had dislocated that hip.. I was begging for drugs, that’s how bad it hurt, and they finally gave me drugs, put me out, and popped that sucker back in, and then sent me home.  I was told that they had to stand over me and pull up to put it back but I’m not sure that’s true, and sort of don’t want to know, but whatever they did made the rest of my lower body worse, but more about that another time.  Anyway, I went home,  afraid to move, so I sat in the chair almost two months, getting up only when I had to, and let my hip heal where it was supposed to.  Apparently, when the first one was put in, it was put in crookedly and so when the second one went in, the surgeon tried to straighten it around the scar tissue that had formed, and I was his only patient to ever dislocate.  Great…….  But, I still trust him and want him to do my knee, which is next.

So, enough of this for now.  I’m tired of talking about my stupid body, my tea is finished and I’m dry mouthed from talking so much.  So, until next time, enjoy your tea and your book.  We’ll talk again soon.

My Beach Day

I had my first 2014 day at the shore this past Sunday and it was great.  I’ve been a Jersey Shore Kid since I was a baby and have many happy memories of the beach, boardwalk, family, fishing, crabbing, and food.  I grew up in North Jersey so my first memories were from Point Pleasant and Seaside Heights but now I live in South Jersey so the closer shore is Ocean City, Atlantic City, and Cape May.

My friend and I have a beach that we like in Cape May and if we get there early enough, we get the one free Handicap parking stall and get on the beach before they start with badges so that’s the plan during the season.  I guess it wasn’t necessary to go so early in April but we did, and then froze our butts off!  We got there by 8:00 after a stop at WaWa for coffee and walked out onto the sand, and stopped.  It was ice cold!  We had the usual stuff, blankets, chairs, and tote bags but instead of laying on the blankets, we wrapped up in them!  And stayed wrapped up for several hours while we waited for the promised 70 degrees.

Being on the beach gives me a peaceful feeling and I love just watching the waves.  I have a cane that I use for the beach and it’s a bit of a mess now but good for tromping through the sand and going into the water.  I don’t get in far but I refuse to stay out and we are actually going to look for a bay beach so we can sit in our chairs while lounging in the water.  Anyway, we spent hours enjoying the sun and water, just relaxing and talking while we waited for the sun to rise.  After a few hours, we were able to unwrap and actually came home with some sunburn!  (I normally use sunblock but it was too chilly to even think about applying it.)

We finished up the day at the Cape May Ferry and sat for a few hours just watching the ferries come in and go out.  We will be going to the shore as many times as we can this summer, only off together every other weekend, and we both love the ocean.  We have been friends since 1970 and it’s so great that we can still get together and have fun.

Hopefully, the next time we go, it’ll be a little warmer and we can actually uncover a little skin!

No Words!

Since my last post about my father, my mind has been totally blank and I haven’t been able to write. That was a very emotional writing for me but I didn’t expect that it would be a block to my creativity. It’s been like having all of the words sucked out of my brain and having it shrink smaller and smaller. I feared that no words would come back but I think they are beginning to slowly seep in and I’m thinking about writing again. I wrote for Examiner.com today and also this post. Phew! Thank goodness!!

I just recently discovered that I like to write and losing it so abruptly was scary. So, I’m getting back in the groove and topics are coming to mind again. I have a lot I want to talk about and I’m feeling good about getting back to it. I’ve got my next blog post written and it just needs some fine tuning.

So, I’m going to pour a cup of tea and get started. Talk again real soon!

My Dad

Me and Dad!

My Dad died in 1998.  He was a special man and I loved him dearly.  At the time of his death, he had just been in the hospital for bypass surgery and came through it well.  He was sitting up in recovery, asking for a sandwich, and if you knew my dad, you would know that it was so typical of him.  He loved to eat.  He did so well that they told me to go home and get a change of clothes, eat, and then come back for visiting hours but when I walked in the door the phone was ringing and he was dead.  He had a heart attack and from what I remember, his heart just exploded because the walls were very thin from a medication he had to take for myasthenia gravis.  He looked so good when I left so this was totally shocking to hear.  He had a military burial, WWII veteran, and we all tried to move forward with our grief.  I always thought Dad was the soul of the family and it was so hard without him.

My dad had many things that I loved about him, one being that whenever I would visit we would go look through his top drawer where he had cards we kids had made him, little mementos, pictures, just stuff that he saved.  We would look through the pictures and he would talk about the people in them and the old days.  I loved those times together.  When we kids had kids, he started adding their notes and things to the drawer so it was quite full and it would always take a bit of time to go through.  When my son was old enough, he started showing him the things in the drawer and it became a special time for them too.

My Dad grew up in Newark, NJ and lived across the street from my mom.  They didn’t have much to do with each other when they were young but after he came out of the service, there she was!  He always told us that he picked her out of all the girls because she could peel an orange so well, and she could!  He was an Italian American and she was of English/German descent.  They married in 1947 and were married for 50 years when he died.

At the time of his death, he had a special Christmas Cactus that he had potted in a big old bowl, I guess it was for plants but he would have loved to see it filled with pasta.  Anyway, I asked my mom if I could have it and brought it home.  I sort of felt that it represented him and I hung it from a hook in a macramé planter that I had made, hoping that I could keep it alive.  I was afraid to overwater it so was sparse with the attention I gave it, almost like I would jinx it if I did too much.

It’s now 2014 and that plant did not get flowers in all that time but this past Christmas, it did!  Two flowers.  I don’t know what made it bloom because I’ve been doing my usual with it, just watering it every two weeks or so, afraid that I might kill it.  And now it’s February and it’s getting more flowers.  I can’t figure it out but when I saw those flowers, I started to cry.  I think it’s a sign from my Dad, anyway, I want to believe that it is. In any case, I’m going to see it as a sign to not give up, that things will get better, that my Dad still is there loving me, and that my life will bloom again.

I love you Dad.

My Little Dog, Rocky

   Have you poured your tea yet?  No?  Well, go ahead and I’ll wait for you.  I’ll keep reading until you’re ready.  OK.  Here goes:

I have a dog.  After much deliberation and knowing that I’m terrible at training and housebreaking dogs, I decided to get a Yorkie puppy.  I’d been researching them online and checking sites that sold them and was pretty sure that I’d never find one that I could afford, but one day I ended up on Ebay Classifieds in the pet section and there he was.  A 4 lb. little cutie with a crate, pen, clothes, and food and he lived pretty close to me.  And, he was affordable!  After some texting back and forth, I met the woman and she put him in my arms, and I knew he’d be mine.  She brought his papers and shot records and we traded dog for money and the deal was done!

I know now that I was very lucky that he was healthy and that I didn’t get ripped off, so thank goodness!  But he is so cute!  It’s like having your teddy bear come to life and always be ready to cuddle.  I named him Rocky and he’s a great little dog.  I got him when I was going through the separation with my husband and Rocky was a great comfort.  Yorkies are wonderful little dogs, full of energy, and make great watchdogs.  Rocky can hear everything and even knows when the people across the street get home! He’s very protective of me and I think he would hurt someone if they tried to hurt me.  He loves to play with toys and will fetch for hours, and is always eager to get into the car and go for a ride.  I found one of those pet seats at Goodwill and he can sit up high enough to look out of the window.

I’ve been sort of successful at housebreaking him.  He’ll use a pad inside but tries to wait and go outside, though my erratic work schedule does hinder his success at times. And he may pee next to the pad, sometimes on the pad, but at least he’s near the pad!

Yorkies are in need of daily brushing so I like to keep him clipped short in a “puppy cut”.  It cuts down on  grooming time and he stays cleaner that way.  He needs regular baths too because to my surprise, he gets pretty stinky, pretty quickly.  And, of course, he hates baths.

Having Rocky is good for my mental health, which fluctuates, but also for my physical health.  Since I’ve started walking with a cane, it has been harder to get around and he keeps me moving.  I hate that my body can’t do what it used to and I’ve learned that I have to use it or lose it so walking him every day keeps my joints flexible and muscles somewhat toned.  It also helps him to burn off some energy!  I talk to him and he usually listens.  In fact, he’s sitting on my lap right now, helping me type.  And he loves to sit on my lap while I drink my tea and read, so it works out great for both of us.  He’s able to jump up on the bed and sleeps on the outside and growls if anyone comes down the hall.  He hogs the blankets and would probably get under them if I would let him.  Too hot for that!  Phew!!!

Buying Rocky was something I agonized over because of the cost but I realized that I needed to do something for me, something that would make me happy.  My life was going through so many changes and I was so depressed, and Rocky just made me feel good…so I did it, and enough said about that.  I’m glad I did it and it was one of the first decisions I made on my own as  a newly “single” woman.  He always barks at my ex so I know he’ s a smart dog. (Haha)

Well, I guess you’ve finished your tea.  I have, so until next time…Bye.  See you soon.

Some More About Me…..

First, pour your cup of tea and get comfortable.  And here goes:

I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and have reached the age of 64.  I’m totally surprised to be this age and actually am doing more now than I did in my 30’s and 40’s.  Not physically more, but mentally and more diversely more.

I have many things that I like to do and different career paths that I’ve followed but my primary career path was to work with children.  When my son was a toddler, I began babysitting other toddlers and you haven’t lived until you potty trained 5 kids at once!  I moved into teaching preschool and eventually ended up working for HeadStart as an Education Manager and later as Assistant Director.  I thought I would stay there until I retired but after many years, they did some restructuring and eliminated positions,  mine included.  About this time, I started to see some changes in my health and seemingly overnight, developed arthritis in all of my joints, which led to hip replacement of my right hip, then three years later, re-replacement of the same hip, and then three weeks later that same hip dislocated!  Crazy, right?

During this time, I came to realize that my professional life would have to change.  I wasn’t sleeping well, had lots of body discomfort (pain), did not feel “sharp” anymore, and was feeling mentally distracted because of my physical issues.  So I decided to look at working part time and not being the one “in charge”, and this worked better for me.  I began writing for Examiner.com, created a  chair exercise program for Seniors, took a job as a telephone receptionist for public schools, work as a Behavior Assistant, and started a tutoring business.  This sounds like a lot but it doesn’t add up to the hours I put in before, gives me a lot of flexibility, and also is work I can do primarily from  a chair. And, age isn’t an issue.  There are a few other things I’m trying to put together and if that happens, I’ll let you know.

Now also during all of this health mess, my husband of 30 years decides that he doesn’t want to be married anymore and moved out during my second time in the hospital, leaving me with a mess to deal with.  But, more about that later.

You’re probably wondering what’s the purpose of this blog.  I’m writing it in hopes that other women can learn from my mistakes, my journey, and my successes.  It’s been a hard road but I’m getting there.  And, I have discovered that I really like to write!  I also have discovered that I like the new “me” better than I did the  married “me” and I want to celebrate that.

Until our next cup of tea……Shelley

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Christmas gifts from Goodwill

I started this blog with good intentions about keeping a regular schedule and posting weekly but then the holiday and life got in the way.  So now I have to get back on track and starting posting!  Let me pour a cup of tea and I’ll be right back….

So, how was your holiday?  Hope it was wonderful and filled with love and family.  Mine was.  I had family come from North Jersey and Virginia for the weekend before the holiday and they stayed nearby in a motel while the “kids” ages 22-36 crashed all over the house, wherever they could find space for a blow-up mattress.  The baby, my grandson, was the hit of the weekend and we all enjoyed watching him figure out how to open his gifts.  He got lots of presents and had a blast with the wrapping paper!  We had a lot of fun with the gift exchange and it’s now a tradition to be included every year. The food and wine were plentiful and it was great to see everyone.  One by one, they had to leave for work or other commitments and it was sad to see them go.  It’s the only time of year that we are all together and it also was the first year that my husband was not part of the group, but more about that another time.

So, once all were gone, my son and his family went to his in-laws for Christmas Eve and Day, then back home with me for dinner, where the baby got more presents, actually his third celebration!  This has been a rough year for me so I had to be creative in order to have gifts for him so most of my shopping was done at Goodwill where I found tons of toys that looked to be new and only cost .99 per pound.  Another time, I’ll write about the Goodwill my girlfriend and I found and share some of the bargains that we have bagged there.  I found some ideas on Pinterest too and made Sensory Bottles and bought an oil pan at Wal-Mart that he could put magnetic letters on so was in pretty good shape with gifts.

Magnetic Letter Board

With the things I found at Goodwill and the rocking zebra from Michael’s that I painted, my grandson had a nice little pile of presents.I didn’t spend much but they were gifts from the heart!

Zebra for grandson

Now the New Year is starting and I am determined to get back to the daily smoothie, filled with my five servings of fruit and vegetables.  I’m trying to be a healthy eater but it’s hard to feel like cooking when I get home from work so I am hopeful the smoothies will fill in the gaps.

One of the things I realized is that when I wrote my introduction for the blog, I didn’t talk at all about much personal stuff so in future posts, I’ll be filling you in on work, hobbies, books that I’ve read,  how sad and hard it’s been to be separated from my husband after 30 years of marriage, and how hard it’s been to figure out how to grow older while my brain is telling me that I’m still only 30.  Ok, maybe 40.  Lol! It’s definitely a journey for the strong.  So, stay tuned and I hope you keep coming back to read more!  I’m off to get another cup of tea, and a book (love to read!).

Michele (Shelley to my high school friends!)

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This is the first post on my new blog and I’ve been thinking about what to write.  My 15 month old grandson is here and the living room is filled with toys.  He’s supposed to be tired and wanting a nap but you know how that goes-NOT!  He’s trying to help me type and as soon as we clean up the toys, he gets them all out again.  The dog is barking and it’s total chaos so it seems like a good time to make a cup of tea and write!  So now the question is what to write?  I have all sorts of ideas in my head and I have a lot to say, but will anyone want to read it?  I hope so but it sort of doesn’t matter because I’m just going to write what’s in my heart and what I’m feeling.  I hope it’s stuff that you can relate to and will find interesting, and maybe learn from, as I’ve made my share of mistakes and had my share of success.

I’m 64, a separated wife, a mother, and a grandmother.  I’ve had a career, been through surgery several times with more to come (arthritis), and now am starting over in several areas of my life. I’ve been a Child Development and Sewing writer for Examiner.com for over a year and it’s fueled writing aspirations beyond that.  The past five years of my life have been really crazy so I’ve even started writing a book about what I’ve gone through and I’ll be sharing some of those experiences with you as well as whatever else is on my mind and in my heart.